A Letter To Dear Minister |
Dear Minister Yen Yen, I just cannot fathom why so many in the media and the food loving public is getting their hair all tangled up in sticky chilli crab sauce over your comments on claims over food in the region. I feel I have to come to your rescue should they jam a door-stop interview to your face later today.
Some Singapore credit card company once had actor Lim Kay Tong portray chilli crabs as from Chile in a television advertisement. You should send your media statement there too, and while you are at it, claim chilli padi as well and slip in the chilli corn carne and sambal chilli too, if space and time permits. Don’t the media know that when Madam Cher first sold sea food by the Bedok sea shore in the 50s’ and created chilli crabs in 1953 at her then Palm Beach Restaurant, Bedok was part of Malaysia, or was in the late 50s, aiya, just say “once upon a time la”. And, remind them all, those who have failing memory and the ignorant Tweeter generation, that any dish in Singapore which uses water, is a Malaysian dish too. Deliver the “where do you think the water came from” punchline should they feign “blur” about history. But if the old fogeys press you with a “ but the makan lost the original flavours these days leh”- re-educate them with a “that’s because you use Newater nowadays”. Also, tell them that chilli crabs is so popular in Malaysia that it is literally the second name of states and cities like _______ (can you help me help you fill in the blanks, I am not good at that part, your PR team should know. I suspect it is somewhere in Kelantan which is about the only place in Malaysia I have not visited yet. I think you know that too because that was where you were born and you owe no fools any explanation.) Regale the story about the first dish that many returning Malaysians (after a short holiday away in Batam), hanker for, is chilli crabs ( I have to tell you now that the many Malaysian friends I know, are a bit abnormal here, many never even eaten it before and think it’s from Chile).
Also, reiterate the fact that while so many folks, especially from Singapore, which accounts for the biggest chunk of visitors to your charming country, enjoy your Johor Laksa, Malacca Satay Celup, Seremban Beef Noodles, KL Hokkien Mee, Ipoh Hor Fun, Penang Lok Lok and of course your Sarawak kolo mee (which I sometimes wash down with Ipoh white coffee), can’t even understand why you are not making claims to these uniquely Malaysian dishes, roll your eyes slowly…and then take a deep breath. Now, exhale fire with a “ allo, we are not about uniquely this or uniquely that, we are Malaysia, Truly Asia, hor”. And cite that incident where the Hong Kong Chief Executive Donald Tsang was snubbed by the Ng Ah Sio Bak Kut Teh people, is technically is a Truly Asia phenomenon. Tell them the shop is located at Rangoon Road, which is named after Myanmar’s capital (and guess which continent it is truly in). So what if Mr Ng’s father was credited with creating this Teochew peppery version so unlike your Klang herbal rendition, way before even SIT public housing flats were introduced in Singapore (just say it was way before HDB). It will shut them up and no one will dare breath that thought of why no claims from you for Kelantan Nasi Kerabu, Penang Pasembor or even the almost-impossible-to-find-in-Singapore, Nasi Kandar. Oh, before it slips me, now that you have MCCurry, and sent the McDonald folks scuttling, draw your long distance crossbow and fire off your claims on hamburgers (just whisper “hey, we have McRamly Burger, so we own all burgers too la.”, and repeat the roll-eye, heavy sigh action for effect.
Should then they bring up the contentious Katong Laksa theory – like about how it was documented that the late Janggot was the first to sell it on a kandar (shoulder food cart) yonks ago and his family have now carried on this legacy at Marine Parade Janggot Laksa at East Coast Road, just softly repeat the Bedok story- and tell them how geographically close Bedok is to East Coast Road. Tell them Katong Laksa is so popular in Malaysian states like ___________ (please help me help you here again, as I’ve never seen Katong Laksa in Malaysia, yet).
And finally, chicken rice. Just because the Hainanese once ate boiled chicken with plain-jane rice and recreated that now famous version in old Hainan Street (Middle Road) way before Syonan To (the Japanese occupier’s name for old Singapura), does not mean it came from Middle Road. Smile and remind them where fresh chickens in Singapore come from. I have not spotted Bak Chor Mee, Mee Kuah, Sup Tulang Merah, Satay Beehoon, Fried Hokkien Prawn Mee and definitely not the Hainanese Scissor Cut Curry Rice in Malaysia, yet. But should they ask about it, just cite the Truly Asia act. All the best and good luck. Let me know if you need more of my help. Sincerely |
